2022 01Jan 22
Updated 2024 01Jan 14
All vegan cheese products are not made equal. In the face of this unfair, cruel world, the smart shopper must equip themselves with a terrible weapon: knowledge.
The S tier comprises 3 cheeses which form a rock-paper-scissors style triumvirate. Each has their own strengths, but together they all cover each other's weaknesses.
These are great. Great on cold sandwiches such as the any% sandwich, great by themselves. The strong smoked provolone flavor masks the typical "ew, it's vegan" aftertaste of milder cheeses like Cheddar or American.
I don't trust the packaging, so I usually keep them in a sandwich baggy in the fridge.
Paired with Follow Your Heart veganaise, I can have a vegan cheese sandwich that's just as bland as my late-'90s suburban childhood.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Adaptability | Mayo compatibility |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$5.00 | 10 slices | 7.0 oz | A | A | A |
These are also great, but you can't eat them out of the package like with slices.
Whereas slices are critical to making sandwiches, mexican-style shreds are an un-defeated force in pasta topping, both spaghetti and linguini. A well-armed fridge must have both.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Adaptability | Colorfulness |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$5.00 | Like a thousand? | 7.0 oz | A | B | A |
Rounding out the S-tier is So Delicious Mozzarella Shreds.
Although "mozzarella" is hard to spell, and it lacks the deep color gamut of mexican-style, the Mozzarella Shreds form the sturdy 3rd pillar of the cheese spectrum: Pizza.
Sometimes my partner uses these to make vegan pizza, and you can't beat pizza that someone else made and shared with you.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Adaptability | Free pizza |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$5.00 | Couple hundred? | 7.0 oz | A | B | A |
The A tier consists of reliable, work-a-day cheeses that just don't reach the Pareto frontier.
I'm happy to buy these cheeses any day of the week, but if they're stocked next to an S-tier, I'm grabbing the S-tier.
The keystone of the A tier is the Chao Creamy Original Slices.
Creamy vegan cheeses have historically faced an uphill fight - Many of them suffer from an aftertaste that can only be described as "Just nasty."
Chao's special mix of potato and tofu somehow overcomes this to result in a creamy cheese slice that's really damned good.
But at $6, I'd sooner eat provolone for the rest of my life than pay a 20% creaminess fee. Just buy a pack of Violife provolone slices if you can find them.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Adaptability | Having to admit I have a cheese addiction |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$6 | 10 slices | 7.0 oz | A | A | B |
The scion of the Daiya cheese dynasty, Daiya frozen pizzas are the only game in town for cheap, low-effort vegan pizza.
Pictured is the stately pepperoni-class pizza. This pizza also has the honor of being one of the 2 vegan meat products I enjoy.
These nearly made S tier, but I just don't like pizza as much as I used to.
Plus, cooking them means waiting 30 or 40 minutes for basically a crunchier version of a cheese sandwich combined with a hot dog.
In the end, I am American. I have to like pizza a little bit. They're okay.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Nostalgia | Pizza |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$8.00 | 1 | 15-20 oz (depending on type) | B | A | B |
The B tier is where I start to admit these are not my favorite vegan cheese products. This is where I think for a little bit, "Do I really need cheese this week?" before I open the door and grudgingly buy them anyway.
I wanted to put this in A tier because they're an old favorite of mine.
But when you plug the cheese numbers into the cheese formulas, it doesn't add up: For $6 you could get a creamy Chao pack instead. And Violife Provolone is basically the same, for only $5.
If FYH can't find a way to cut cost, they'll find themselves pushed out of the highly-competitive vegan cheese slice market. That said, Follow Your Heart's veganaise is dominating its own niche. So maybe cheese is a loss leader for them. We'll have to see how things play out this year.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Adaptability | Unwieldy brand name |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$6 | 10 slices | 7.0 oz | A | A | C |
Daiya Mozzarella Shreds are fine. They're not bad.
But at $5.70, they cost 12% more per ounce than So Delicious Mozzarella Shreds.
It's hard to find anything wrong with them. They're aggressively okay.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor |
---|---|---|---|
$5.70 | 10 slices | 7.1 oz | A |
I used to buy these regularly before I learned about Field Roast's frozen Mac and Chao product. (Mac and Chao sadly didn't make the list because the grocery store I stole the pictures from might have stopped carrying them?)
Mac and cheese has been a weakness in the vegan cheese arsenal for years, and these fill the role to spec.
But because they use Daiya cheese, they're not great. I recently tried them again, and the cheese is a little bit gross. Sure, they're only $4.50, but they're also only 8 ounces.
As the old joke goes, "The food is terrible, and the portions are too small."
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Mouthfeel | Nostalgia |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$4.50 | Around 50 | 8.0 oz | C | B | A |
These are nasty. I didn't even finish the package.
Dollars | Quantity | Weight | Flavor | Mouthfeel | Nostalgia |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
$5.70 | 10 | 7.8 oz | D | B | F |